This chapter is written by Sarah Ascol, preacher’s kid and pastor’s wife.
You need to figure out what is most important in your life and move forward from there.
1. Your God “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness” Matt 6.33
2. Your Husband.
- do not give into the temptation to put your children first, put him first.
- love him and work hard to preserve and prosper your marriage
- putting hubby and marriage next helps the family to weather the storms of ministry life
3. Your Children.
- don’t make your children casualties of ministry life.
- we are called in scripture to learn to love our husbands and our children.
These three things come before the church. Don’t sacrifice any of them.
Things to remember:
Just because your children are preacher’s kids doesn’t negate the fact that they are sinners in need of the Lord’s work in their lives. “repeatedly present the truth of their sin and Jesus’ sacrifice on their behalf”. Be honest about your own sin too. Show your repentance and your need for change as well.
Don’t forget that you have a need to serve your church as well. Figure out in what way you too can serve the church. Know that in the raising of your children as people of strong character that you are serving the church. The church needs people who will stand strong for her, who know what they believe and why.
Accept the fishbowl for what it is... an encouragement and a challenge to do the best you can. You can fight it (but to what avail??) or you can use to grow and develop as a person. It’s all a matter of what perspective you take of it.
1. talk about it so your children know that you know it’s a real thing they are dealing with.
2. think about how their situation is like Jesus’. He was always on display. See how Jesus dealt with the pressure and related to the people around him.
3. model it. Show how you can respond with grace to the pressure people place on you.
4. Be the champion of your children, make sure they are treated no differently than other children.
Do your best to shelter your children from conflict within the church. You can’t shelter them from everything, but you can make your home a bulwark, a place of refuge. How to do this?
1. don’t use them as a sounding board
2. keep things from them that they simply don’t need to know.
3. teach them good theology and how to go to God’s word for answers. Show them how God is faithful.
4. Make sure your children know other adults who are of sound theology. This gives them others to turn to in times of crisis.
So what do you do if you are in a crisis?
1. talk with your children openly about what it going on, keeping it age appropriate.
2. Let them ask questions.
3. Give them the opportunity to say “no, I am not going to that church gathering”. If they don’t need to be at that all church gathering where hard things can be said, let them stay home.
4. Remind them that they have friends, adult friends that they can trust as well.
5. Encourage them to honestly talk it out with God.
6. Always, always point them back to Christ and his redeeming work.
“One of the greatest fears for a ministry mom is that her children will grow up hearing the truth of their need of salvation but choose to reject it and go their own way.” (p.189) Remember this “The same Jesus who rescued you from your sins is the one who can rescue your prodigal daughter or son. The redemption he offers is the only hope for the pastor’s children too.”
Remember, that ultimately any children you have are God’s. They are not your own. He is the one who put them together, he is the one who melds together their hearts, he is the one who has written out the story of their lives. All of their days are his. :)
Lots of wisdom in this chapter. It's important to let your children be your children and not the "CHURCH's" children. Its important to insulate them from the stresses of church life as much as possible, and to teach them to grow in the fear and knowledge of the Lord God himself. Appreciated this chapter.