1. to be in relationship with him. he made us to have communion with him.
2. to be in relationship with each other...animals are not enough.
When Married our primary relationship should be with our husband. it should be held in highest regard (next to our relationship with God).
This doesn't mean we shouldn't want friends outside of our marriage, particularly with other women.
So exactly what is friendship? Is it merely the getting together with others, sharing like interests, "doing coffee" and what not?
Friendship is all that but more. It's a deeper commitment to each other. it's a deep intimate relationship without any sexual overtones. Like David and Jonathon were truly best friends with each other. Or with Ruth and Naomi...sharing bonds that went deeper than that of just family friendship.
Their hearts were connected and they were grounded together in the Lord.
The question that remains for us is this. Can we have such friendships within the church as pastor's wife?
1. We have that need for friendship. God will meet that need but not always as you think he should. We can be friendly with everyone but it doesn't mean we have to be a friend WITH everyone. Take your time and don't rush friendship. Sometimes God will bless you with a friend you wouldn't have thought possible.
2. Don't let teens show disrespect to your husband pastor.
3. Don't make friends of people of the opposite gender. Even if you share similar interests, it's too easy for those friendships to turn into something they shouldn't be. Guard yourself and your spouse.
4. Don't show favourites. Even if you have favourites, don't show it. invite a variety of people over, not just those you get along with since you don't want feelings to get hurt.
5. Keep your friendships private. Don't be telling others what you did with such and such church member.
6. Don't gossip about your husband or about other church members.
7. When leaving a church, leave those friendships behind for the most part. Make it easy on the person that follows in your footsteps.
"To be a friend requires energy, sometimes money, rearranged schedules, and much prayer, but the rewards are undoubtedly worth it". (p. 113)
8. Be aware that friendships have their seasons. As a young mom you will naturally befriend other young moms, as your children mature those friendships will change.
9. Don't be distressed when some friendships don't pass the test of time. It happens. Some friendships are only meant to be short term. "Keep your door and heart open, giving thanks for those special times when you enjoyed those particular friendships".
The chapter closed with
"Yes, it is possible to have lasting friendships. Yes, it is practical and not necessarily problematic to enjoy real friendships. Yes, it is desirable to pursue real friendships. May the Lord make you, dear sister, friendly to all who cross your path and a true friend to those who need refreshing, and may you in turn be refreshed by the friendship of others." (p.116)
I left reading this chapter feeling more alone than I did before I started reading it. Sometimes I feel so alone. I love my hubby and my son.
But a close deep intimate friendship? In the here and now? That I don't have. And I generally think I never will. I have people I hang out with and care for. But I don't know.. I don't really get this "best friend" thing. I don't really feel like I'm anyone's best friend, though I am a friend who cares and hangs on to friendships. And this chapter just seemed to YELL THAT OUT at me. Shouldn't have read it. Should have followed my gut feeling and by passed.
It's hard... cause I feel guilty.. and yet talking with a lady today I mentioned this and she said this "those times when I don't have a close friend are times that i know I need to deepen my relationship with God". This is a true thing you know.
Yet I am friendly to everyone I meet. :) Guess... I don't know... I'm living a quiet life. :) I do have some good talks with my on-line friends though.. so I guess that counts for something. :) And I do have friends and that's a good thing...but this whole deep friendship thing...that just alludes me and at times it makes me feel alone. (especially after reading this chapter). :)