My Notes From This Chapter:
Being a pastor's wife comes "with high expectations to which you may feel pressured to conform.   Sometimes those expectations will be biblically correct and wise;  sometimes they will be unbiblical,  unhelpful,  and undeserved.    Too often they will be based on subjective thinking shaped by societal norms mixed with cultural and geographical biases".   P. 79

You need to know that if you strive to please everyone you will still disappoint someone.

"If all things were considered equal and you could function in the church as any other Christian,  much of the scrutiny would cease.   However,  as a pastor's wife you are in a position that is more visible and therefore more vulnerable.     While others be criticized in the same way,  when it is directed at the pastor's wife,  it has a heightened sense of weightiness."  p80

God has given us his Word to help us discern what we should be about.

"There us only one whose expectations should drive your motives and actions.    The bottom line is this ____ what does God expect ?    What has God called you to be? "   P. 81

Philippians 2:3-8   Jesus gave up his own rights to humbly serve others

Consider Jesus '  example

1. When others clamoured for his attention,  sometimes he just walked away.   Matt. 14:22
2. Jesus didn't give the answers others wanted to hear.   Speaking truth in redemptive was. John 6:60-61,66
3. Jesus didn't let himself be manipulated   John 7:3-9
4. Jesus didn't let himself be motivated but emotional outcries and expectations.   John 11:6, 21
5. Jesus didn't defend himself.   Mark 15:3-5
6. Jesus didn't 'perform' for others,  just set about doing what his Father expected.  Luke 23:8-9
7. He did what God wanted him too even when challenged by friends.    John 13:3-17

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore...sacrifice.

Remember that we,  as believers,  are "called to live in such a way that my life is a reflection of a sacrificial love for God and a desire to do his will."

Foundational principles
1. Be confident in Christ Jesus
2. Be focused on your ultimate purpose
3. Be mindful of your calling and careful in your commitments
4. Be realistic about your limitations
5. Be discerning in dealing with expectations... To every yes there is a no.
6. Be hopeful in the midst of serving... Think positively of others they aren't out to get you

God has set us free.   The only expectations that must truly meet are from God.

It can be so hard to manage expectations.
When I came to this church there were lots of expectations that greeted me.
Expectations that i wasn't very good at meeting.
Sometimes I let my feelings of injury get the best of me.
But I have learned over the years that I best serve God and this church using MY gifts and abilities.
AND it's funny... over time people have come to see that my heart is after God even if I don't do things the way it is expected.
Though, to my shame, I have at times sought my own way more than God's way.
It is not an easy life being seen by everyone, but it has made me, I think more of the person that God calls me to be.  And THAT is a good thing.  :)

Others in the Series:
Guarding how we communicate.
Humility.
personal Devotions.
Putting first things first.

Guarding the tongue...guarding the way we communicate.  It's a hard thing isn't it?   I know it is for me.   It can be so easy to spout something off without taking the time to think through what we say and how we say it.   It is SO very tough at times.

Let me take a moment to share some key thoughts I pulled from this chapter.

P. 68  words are formed on the tongue,  but they originate in the heart.    Our words are the barometer of our hearts.

How to help yourself monitor your tongue
1. Commit yourself to be candid and open about speaking the truth,  even if it makes things sticky for you.
2. Be careful about confidences.   Don't blab about situations and people.
3. If in doubt,  keep your mouth shut.    Realize there is a time for talking AND a time for silence.
4.Remember also to use your tongue in the way it was intended.
    During public worship remember "to use your tongue to assent to the congregational liturgy,  to pray with (your)  mind on the Lord,  to sing truthfully the words of a hymn,  and to accept the preaching of God's Word into (your)  life."

In your home use your tongue in a respectful God-honouring way.
If you make a promise keep it.

Think of technology as an extension of your tongue.   Use it with restraint in the same way.

I have to admit that I really liked that section about how we ARE to use our tongue in a Godly way, particularly in public worship.   To use it to assent to public liturgy, to pray with our minds on the lord and to sing truthfully the words of a hymn.   Food for thought and a punch in the arm to pay attention.     To listening to our hubby's preach and not to tune him out because we hear him talk all the time (not just on Sundays). 

Let me clarify...I don't tune my hubby out but sometimes I don't hear him as clearly as I aught to.

I squirmed a bit with the thinking of technology like I would my tongue.   I use my tablet to take church not and my bible is on my phone and it is SO tempting to check my email during the service... and sometimes I don't win that battle.  I do have a 10 year old minder at times though.... but still.. I NEED to be more mindful of minding my hubby's words and really listening to him.

What do you struggle with when it comes to your tongue and how you communicate?

One of the things I am enjoying about this book are the prefaces to each chapter,  where pastor hubby writes about the virtue in regards to their wife.      Just neat and an unexpected boon to my soul.


Humility means possessing a mindset that sees God in his rightful place and us in ours.   P. 57   It's having the mindset of a servant rather than that of a master.    Why do we need to seek this virtue?    Not because we are the pastor's wife,  but because we are a proud people and naturally given to thinking too highly of ourselves.

Do we  want to help people through our humility or hurt them through our pride?

We should be thrilled to be a servant in God's  big kingdom rather than trying to rule our own small corner.

So how does one cultivate humility?

1. Spend time in God's Word.    This is where it all begins.   See Romans 3:10-12.    If you don't spend time with God then you forget who you are before him.
2. Understand this... "the truth is that any time we have displayed kindness or been of help to others is not because we are great,  but because God is working through us."     The only reason.

Four practical steps to help cultivate humility.

1. Time spent alone with God in bible study,  meditation,  and prayer is essential.   P. 62.   
2. Confession of sin.    Confession is an act of obedience and part of a right relationship with God.   Humble people are quick to admit their mistakes.
3. Learn to submit to your husband.   The husband is the head of the household.
4. Cultivate gratitude.    Say thank you often.    By seeing how much we have to be thankful for we are better enabled to see our true position in the eyes of the Lord.

As I read this chapter I thought:
Ouch.... Have I allowed myself to be hurt cause I think too much of myself?

It's hard sometimes you know.
To balance OUR expectations to the frailties of people.

DO people let us down?
For sure.  

But what are our expectations in the midst of it all?
Where are my expectations placed?   Built upon?

Ultimately I need to learn to trust God more.
As I trust him more, it doesn't matter as much what people do because I know that God is my surety.   I have to admit... I am SO not there yet.

Like Job I wonder and fret at the why of things happening.
I need to see God in the events of life.

So how can I practice true humility?
By
1. not grumbling when I give way to my hubby ... is it really humility if I say FINE but really mean. I'll do whatever you say dear even though I think you're WRONG.   (not really is it).  :)
2. by accepting that I can't be all things to everyone and THAT'S okay
3. by realizing that in that okayness (see above) it's okay for others to need others as well.

So what does humility mean to you?  And how can you show it more?

One of my greatest struggles is in this area.   I marvel at people who find the time and consistency to daily have a personal time with the Lord.   This chapter was again a motivational tool for me.

When I say motivational tool I mean that it was an encouragement to me.  To show me how my need for the Saviour drives me need to spend time with him.   The more time I spend with him, shows even more my need for him.  And thus my actions in the world around me are affected.

How does one minister to the women of the church.    Some of whom will be more versed in the bible than you are?

A couple of things to consider.
1. How should I think about my spiritual ministry to other women in the body?
2. With all my other responsibilities,  how can I have a problem effective Devotional life and memorize the Scriptures?

First off remember this....  It is your husband who has been called to pastor.   YOUR job is wife and possibly mother in your home.     This along with your spiritual gifts is what will shape your ministry.    Yes,  people may have expectations of you,  but those expectations should not shape what YOUR ministry is.

Second realize that life is always busy.    Learning how to carve out time for having a personal time with God and memorizing Scripture is important.    "Plan your daily routine in ways that reflect your spiritual goals".   (P. 41)   Realize this truth... God's Word is an "endless supply of truth and nourishment for your soul". P. 41

Delight in God's Word will grease the wheels of Devotional life and Scripture memorization.   P.41

Personal devotions and Scripture memorization are precious means of grace and growth ministers do by a loving heavenly father.   P. 42

If our hearts are convinced of the life-giving qualities of God's Word,  we will find time for it.   P. 43

Deut 32:46-47

We need to acknowledge how easy it is to push off our time with God considering that oh... I can do that later when later never actually comes.    We need to encourage each other graciously and lovingly to see the connection between our spiritual growth and time spent with God.

Examine the lives of those who have gone on before helps us to see God's Word lived out.   1 Cor. 10:11

We have to remember that God's Word "is not in your the instrument of new birth.   It is God's chosen ingredient,  along with his Spirit,  for the work of sanctification."   P. 45

2 Timothy 3:16-17

• Teaching - function of scripture
• Reproof -  correction when we are wayward
• Correction -  making right what went wrong
• Training in righteousness - How you keep correcting what goes wrong

The more we know God's Word  the more infectious of love for him will become.
The more we see God meeting our needs the more we share of him with others.
Our need draws us in closer.    We need to see our sin but we also need to see the hope and promise of God.

Let our souls pant for God.    Ps. 42

Psalm 19:7-11

•    Let him revive us.    Let the perfection of his law be a boon to our spirit.    It will convert us/transform us.
• God's Word is sure.   Unchanging,  steadfast.    A guide and foundation for our lives.
• God's Word directs our lives  by their rightness.. We can live and be productive for his glory.   This will bring us joy.
• God's Word enlightens us.    It shows us what we might not have seen or considered before.   It shows us where darkness might yet hide.
• The fear of the Lord is clean,  enduring forever.    No defilement in God's Word.    Since they are flawless they endure forever.
• Rules of God are true and righteous.    If we walk in his way we have no fear of going wrong.
• God's ways are more important than anything else in the word and are desired above all things.
• Be warned.    If we keep to God's rules and ways we will be okay.   If we depart from them we won't be.

The more time I spend with the Lord, the more I learn.

If I want my actions to show my love for the Lord, I need to spend time with him.   How can I accurately show of God's grace toward me if I don't spend time actually understanding how his grace affects me so deeply?

The more I understand of God's grace, the more I see my need for him, the more I see MY need for Christ, the more I see the need for others to see his grace bestowed freely into their lives as well.

It is this understanding that drives my service to others.   Not my natural leanings or giftings, but Christ's grace at work in me.

It's God's job to put these desires into our hearts, to grow and learn and develop and see.   HIS job.  NOT mine.   So if I fail to have daily devotions, I am failing to listen well to his promptings.   it doesn't mean that I am a terrible Christian, it means that I am not prioritizing God when he is prompting me to do so.   (rather than do facebook, blog, care for bunnies, do yard work, sleep in etc.).   I need to figure out what is most important and then listen to the promptings of the Lord God.  His grace, his knowledge, his everything, is sufficient for me and the rest just needs to be let go and I need to be aware that all my needs will be met in HIS timing.   My job is merely to listen and to respond and as I learn and grow into his knowledge, everything else will come.

As a Pastor's wife, when I saw this book I thought, oh...that sounds like an interesting read.  I wonder what it will have to say to me. 

Since I blog, you get the benefit of my learning as well.  Fun eh?  :)

This first chapter was about setting priorities.

Priorities: putting first things first

I loved this quote: "The wife of a pastor is the most privileged life you could ever desire.    It may not always seem that way,  but God cocooned you in a place where you will constantly be exposed to his word.    This is a manifestation of his love toward you in Christ. "

I know that God has changed my life so much my having me marry my hubby.   Not only because I needed to understand his grace more, but I also needed to understand the depth of his love for me.  He shows this to me all the time through my hubby.

So... With that confidence of his never-failing goodness toward you.... Learn to put first things first.  It's important to do this you know?    If you don't  you'll be driven hither and yon and beaten down by the expectations of other people.  But the more you understand and are secure in his love for you, the more you can do what you need to do and be okay with it.

To do that you need to look at your life and see where your current priorities lie. " The habitual bent of our souls reveals where we look for satisfaction,  security,  and significance.    Do we look to God for these things,  or do we scatter our hopes elsewhere?"   Just what is it that I focus on?   What is that you are currently focusing on?    Does anything need to change in all that?

Search your heart.   What do you want out of life?     What are the things you feel you need?    What makes you despair and panic?

Prioritize your life before you organize it.

Things to help mold your thinking

1. Christ... The ultimate example

• A life of prayer - Christ prayed all the time
  
• Obedience to the father - even when he wanted to be released from his duty, he still did as the Lord God asked.
  
• Relationships with others - he spent time with people around him, he built himself a community
  

2. Women of the word

• Women to follow ie Hannah a woman of prayer,  also Proverbs 31 woman
• Women to avoid  ie Miriam seeking preeminence for herself Numbers 12:2.   She forgot her position was to serve so instead she sought preeminence.
  

3. Women of piety throughout history

• Mary Love.. Wife to Christopher Love   1639-1651.   Wrote a lovely letter to her hubby on the night he was due to be executed.   You can read that letter here.   Consider this section in Italics that follows, single minded goal of seeing the future for that it holds for us and how nothing else compares.:

• I dare not speak to thee, nor have a thought within my own heart of my own unspeakable loss, but wholly keep my eye fixed upon thy inexpressible and inconceivable gain. Thou leavest but a sinful, mortal wife to be everlastingly married to the Lord of glory. Thou leavest but children, brothers, and sisters to go to the Lord Jesus, thy eldest Brother. Thou leavest friends on earth to go to the enjoyment of saints and angels, and the spirits of just men made perfect in glory. Thou dost but leave earth for heaven and changest a prison for a palace. And if natural affections should begin to arise, I hope that the spirit of grace that is within thee will quell them, knowing that all things here below are but dung and dross in comparison of those things that are above. I know thou keepest thine eye fixed on the hope of glory, which makes thy feet trample on the loss of earth.
• Margaret Baxter... Fellow helper to her pastor hubby.... She learned to be content wherever she was.

Isaiah 26:3-4
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,  because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever,  for the LORD  is an everlasting rock.