Janie Street, who often counsels women whose husbands have sinned sexually, is the authour of this chapter.

"Sin is part of everyone's experience."   Oh... I like that quote.  :)  It frames the lessons of this chapter well.  It is good to know how to deal with this type of situation, as, even though it might not affect YOUR marriage, it will most likely affect the marriage of someone you know.

Point 1.
Pornography is not grounds for divorce.  If it were, any man or woman who ever had lustful thoughts for someone they aren't married to, could be divorced.   Divorce is only meant for those who have engaged in the physical act of immorality with another person.

Point 2
Sexual six has a variety of manifestations, which will not be delved into in this chapter.   How one deals with it will be.

How to respond to sexual sin.
1. Don't live in fear or expectation that your spouse will stray.

2. Trust your spouse.  "Trust between husband and wife is only as strong as the people are."   We are flawed, we won't trust as we aught to, but we still must trust.  Do not equate trusting your spouse with trusting God.  God can be trusted REGARDLESS.  He will not fail you EVER.  

3. If your spouse strays remember this truth.  It is not your fault.  It's not your looks, your housecleaning, your cooking, your whatever...your husband's sin is his own.   You may have your issues that you need to deal with and repent of.  But if you are working at being a good spouse and your spouse has failed in this area...let him own his own sin, you own your own.

4. Church leadership may become involved.  Make no accusations that cannot be proven.    Deal with your husband in a scriptural manner before you do anything else.

Biblical Response:

1. You are not a victim.  You have been sinned against, but you are not a victim.
2. Remember we all sin and are capable of so much sin. No need to become a man-hater.
3. Self-protection is a natural desire, but don't let it cause you to sin as well.
4. A good counsellor can help you work through various issues in your marriage, find one that upholds biblical counsel.

Always turn to the word of God.
Seek the counsel of those who have gone on before.
Continue to love your spouse.  This is what we are called to do.
Remember we are ALL sinners. ALL of us.
We have a higher calling than to respond in anger and bitterness.
Calling to
1. humility
2. gentleness
3. patience
4. Bearing with one another in love
5. Eagerness to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace

You need to question how that will look in your life as you work through your thoughts, feelings and attitudes about this particular sin in your spouses life.

As a pastor's wife, part of your job is to model to the congregation a biblical approach to the keeping of the Sabbath.

Some reasons why keeping this fourth commandment is still important today.

1. The Sabbath, along with marriage and work, was instituted by God at creation.   These three creation ordinances are binding on all humanity.
2. It is a binding moral law.    God relates this commandment to his work of creation.  (Exodus 20:8-11)
3. alkj;j

So how does one live out the Sabbath as a binding moral law?

• The Sabbath is holy to the Lord, when men prepare their hearts.
• Order their affairs before the Sabbath.
• Observe a holy rest all the day from their worldly works, words, thoughts and recreation.
• And use the whole day for public and private worship.
• And perform deeds of necessity and mercy.

My thoughts:
I was talking with my hubby over the thoughts found in this chapter since I found them rather surprising, and he said "Pipa does not follow the continental approach to the Sabbath". Though what the term for it escapes him at the moment.  I look at these rules for the Sabbath and I think NO...that would be more work to be done before the Sabbath and then not being able to do stuff on the Sabbath (like go for walks and swim and what not).. that would be hard to work through.   I do think people NEED to remember that Sunday is the Lord's Day and doing things differently that day MATTERS. 

In our house we don't do unnecessary work (for the most part).   I don't cook (I let the fellows forage).  We attend services.  We don't pay for our recreation (so we won't go to a fair, go shopping, or attend rabbit shows for example).

I do think people need to think through what the Lord asks us of in regards to the Lord's Day.   We need to be mindful of where our hearts and minds are at.  We need to consider what we need to do so that we can come to worship WANTING to worship.  (so no staying up late on Saturday night).   I do think that the Lord is quick to forgive us though, so if you have a day where you do some laundry, or cook a meal, or go out for dinner or whatever... The Lord, if our hearts are right, will forgive us.

But that's my take on it.  :)

What do YOU think?   How do you make Sunday a day of rest?

This chapter is written by a woman, a widowed pastor's wife.   She has since remarried.
She experienced loneliness in different stages of her life: Minister's wife, Missionary Wife, and Widow.

She starts off the chapter minding us to remember what our Lord and Saviour went through while he walked on earth.

Being misunderstood, Being busy, Called upon by countless numbers, Being scrutinized, having to be a companion to many, and so forth.  Jesus was sad, alone, surrounded, needing to withdrawn, needing to minister.   He did it all, he experienced it all, and through it all.. NO SIN.   All we can do as pastor's wives is try to follow his example for us.

Loneliness will be discussed under these three headings: Causes, Cures and Comforts.

Causes

• Isolation:  Pastor's wives are often advised to keep people at arms length, don't make friends, protect your husband's ministry.  But that isn't the example of Christ.  He lived with his people, he made friends, he talked, he laughed, he cried with his people.   Be a friend to your people.. be friendly...you don't have to BE a friend to everyone, but you can act friendly and caring.  Be wise with whom you share life details with.
• Perfection: Be transparent, not trying to make yourself look perfect, be able to show some of the areas you are still working on in life.
• Burdens: Ministry life can be hard, your husband (the pastor) can be called away at a moment's notice, or people may stop by uninvited.   It can be hard when you need your man and you just can't have his attention when you most want it.   Don't hold it against him because therein lies the start of loneliness.
• Change: Change can be hard...needing to meet and get to know new people, leaving friendly faces behind.   People might be set in their groups and find it hard to include someone new.
• Rejection: When your husband comes under attack.  It's a hard one to deal with.   You need to be mindful not to become bitter and hold yourself apart (and thereby become lonely).
• Loss: illness can keep you apart from fellowship.
• Thought Patterns: Watch your thought patterns.  They can be poison to the building of friendships.

Cures

• Rest in Christ: See loneliness like storm tossed waters, and Christ as your lighthouse guiding you to safety... focus on him.
• The Word: Study the scriptures, know God well, hide him in your heart.
• Prayer: talk to your Saviour, have daily times of prayer
• Good Theology: Know the Lord, study him.
• A Strong Marriage: A good marriage is worth it's weight in gold.  Guard it and nourish it.
• Godly Friendship: pray over your friendships. Be wise about who you associate with, seek a good mentor.

Comfort
Loneliness doesn't always have a quick fix, but you need to fix it.  to work at it and not let it consume you.   Find a way to connect with GOD first and then with others.   Remember that God is the God of comfort.  He minds you full well.

My thoughts:
Well...I don't know.. I can't say this was my most favourite chapter read thus far.  Perhaps because I have lived it.  I have felt VERY lonely in our current pastorate until I did something important... I started looking at the hearts of the people here.  Seeing how they care about my hubby, even if some push and prod at him.   I've learned to look past the "we want you to change to meet our standards" to see a people who care enough to genuinely ask "How are you doing?"  to see their giving hearts and caring conversation.   It matters and it changed my heart.  I also learned to find MY way in this small town community.  To find a spot where I am at home, and this is good.   God has been an aide even when I wasn't expecting it.  So loneliness can be beaten back, our heart attitude makes a huge difference in the battle.

This chapter, Depression: A Dark Valley is written by Mary Somerville, who has helped her husband/pastor through the dark valley of depression.

First off, know this... depression can hit anyone.  Even a person who is cheerful, resilient, athletic, and hopeful.  Even they can become depressed.

Causes of depression are varied: overwork, injury, loss of employment, hormonal imbalance, exhaustion (physical/emotional) and more.  One doesn't always know the cause, but it's real.

Depression can range in severity from mild to severe.   Symptoms are: depressed mood, diminished pleasure in activities, weight gain or loss, insomnia, loss of energy, purposeless physical activity, feelings of worthlessness, diminished ability to think, indecisiveness, thoughts of suicide, and more.

So how does one deal with depression?

Get a thorough physical check up.
See if there is anything physically going on that could cause a depressive spirit.   Check hormones, thyroid, and such like.  Check your sleeping and eating habits.  Do you exercise?  Are meds needed?   If so, for how long? 
Examine your guilt.
Often, depression and guilt go hand-in-hand.  So examine yourself, is there something you need to repent of?  Christ's blood covers ALL our sin, just seek it out, repent of it, and be cleansed of it.
Seek Counsel.
Seek help from others, another pastor perhaps, or even a biblical counsellor.   They can help you see blind spots, encourage you, pray for you, be a sounding board etc. 
Fight the fight.
Know that you are in a battle, depression knocks warriors out of the battle, and can steal your hope, your spirit, and your soul.  Don't believe the lies of hopelessness you are being fed.  FIGHT!
Read your bible and pray
If you are depressed, take the time to read your bible, to turn to the great counsellor.   This is a daily battle, read about others who have fought this battle and won, see their struggles and their winning, the way the Lord sustained them and helped them.
Pour out your soul
Talk to the Lord, tell him your struggles and your needs, your worries and your fears.  Confess to him how sometimes you just can't see him, or hear his voice, find things you can praise him for, your health, a bible, a book, a flower.. anything, find it and praise him for it. 
A view beyond yourself
Realize that you need to see beyond yourself.  Even if you are depressed you can still pray for others, you can still call, visit or write to people.
The bride of Christ
Access the church, attend services, don't withdraw even though you will want to.  The Bride of Christ is there for all her people.  You need the prayer, support and help from the whole church.  
Do your duty
Fulfill your responsibilities as much as you can.  Ask God for help if needed.  Don't pull away from meaningful work and activities, because if you do so, it only adds to your depression.  Rest often, but work as well as you can.

Most of all DO NOT GIVE UP!  God can and will see you through this time.   Remember that "weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning."  (Ps 30:5)

Now that the school is getting back into full force, art class has started again. YEAH!!! So once again I pick up my Pastor’s Wives book to continue working through it. Imagine it...two uninterrupted hours to read, think and write. :)


This chapter is written by Sarah Ascol, preacher’s kid and pastor’s wife.

Having your priorities in order is very important.
You need to figure out what is most important in your life and move forward from there.

1. Your God “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness” Matt 6.33
2. Your Husband.
- do not give into the temptation to put your children first, put him first.
- love him and work hard to preserve and prosper your marriage
- putting hubby and marriage next helps the family to weather the storms of ministry life
3. Your Children.
- don’t make your children casualties of ministry life.
- we are called in scripture to learn to love our husbands and our children.

These three things come before the church. Don’t sacrifice any of them.


Things to remember:
Just because your children are preacher’s kids doesn’t negate the fact that they are sinners in need of the Lord’s work in their lives. “repeatedly present the truth of their sin and Jesus’ sacrifice on their behalf”. Be honest about your own sin too. Show your repentance and your need for change as well.

Don’t forget that you have a need to serve your church as well. Figure out in what way you too can serve the church. Know that in the raising of your children as people of strong character that you are serving the church. The church needs people who will stand strong for her, who know what they believe and why.

Life is a Fishbowl
Accept the fishbowl for what it is... an encouragement and a challenge to do the best you can. You can fight it (but to what avail??) or you can use to grow and develop as a person. It’s all a matter of what perspective you take of it.

1. talk about it so your children know that you know it’s a real thing they are dealing with.
2. think about how their situation is like Jesus’. He was always on display. See how Jesus dealt with the pressure and related to the people around him.
3. model it. Show how you can respond with grace to the pressure people place on you.
4. Be the champion of your children, make sure they are treated no differently than other children.
Do your best to shelter your children from conflict within the church. You can’t shelter them from everything, but you can make your home a bulwark, a place of refuge. How to do this?
1. don’t use them as a sounding board
2. keep things from them that they simply don’t need to know.
3. teach them good theology and how to go to God’s word for answers. Show them how God is faithful.
4. Make sure your children know other adults who are of sound theology. This gives them others to turn to in times of crisis.
So what do you do if you are in a crisis?
1. talk with your children openly about what it going on, keeping it age appropriate.
2. Let them ask questions.
3. Give them the opportunity to say “no, I am not going to that church gathering”. If they don’t need to be at that all church gathering where hard things can be said, let them stay home.
4. Remind them that they have friends, adult friends that they can trust as well.
5. Encourage them to honestly talk it out with God.
6. Always, always point them back to Christ and his redeeming work.

“One of the greatest fears for a ministry mom is that her children will grow up hearing the truth of their need of salvation but choose to reject it and go their own way.” (p.189) Remember this “The same Jesus who rescued you from your sins is the one who can rescue your prodigal daughter or son. The redemption he offers is the only hope for the pastor’s children too.”

Remember, that ultimately any children you have are God’s. They are not your own. He is the one who put them together, he is the one who melds together their hearts, he is the one who has written out the story of their lives. All of their days are his. :)

My Thoughts:
Lots of wisdom in this chapter.   It's important to let your children be your children and not the "CHURCH's" children.  Its important to insulate them from the stresses of church life as much as possible, and to teach them to grow in the fear and knowledge of the Lord God himself.  Appreciated this chapter.

ConflThe Title of this chapter is "Conflict Within the Church: Keeping Your Heart Pure.

Conflict within the church will happen like it or not.   It's natural part of living in a world with people saturated with sin.  Should it be better within a church?   Yes.   But you can't get away from the fact that sin affects EVERYTHING about us.

What should one do therefore when faced with conflict?
 Clarify concerns and responsibilities.

• are you a player or a spectator?  
• If you are a spectator PRAY.   That is what your primary role is.  It is not to gossip or speculate or add fuel to the fire.  It is to pray.   If you do sin in your role as spectator, it becomes your responsibility to repent of this.
• The prayer is for two reasons.   First to prevent worry.  Second to be specific, fervent and accompanied with thanksgiving (Phil 4:6)
• if you are a player, pray first.  (just like the spectator).   Then clarify what role you play in the conflict and what your responsibility is to resolve it. 
• Consider what your concern is but realize that's not your primary role.  Your job is to figure out what your role is and how to resolve it.  it's up to the other party to do the same.    If you are concerned about being forgiven for instance, all you can do is YOUR part in asking for forgiveness, being willing to reconcile, and being kind-hearted... it is the responsibility of the other party in how they respond.
• We need to remember that we don't have to always agree with each other BUT we do need to have an attitude of humility before the Lord and each other.

Keep a pure heart

• Are your thoughts focused on truth?
• Are you acting and thinking respectfully?
• Are you promoting godly morals?
• Are you meeting God's approval?
• more questions to ask were listed.  :)

Respond with faith

• How does respond with faith?   By remembering what faith is.  It's the "believing the word of God and acting upon it, no matter how I feel, knowing the God promises a good result"  (p.169)
• Knowing the God will never leave us or forsake us in good or ill. 
• Memorize scripture so you can always fall back on it, more easily since you've hidden it well in your heart.

Importance of Prayer

• Prayer can not be over-emphasized with how it important it is.
• Set aside time to pray regularly with your spouse
• Use the prayers of others when you can't think of words on your own.
• Become a part of a prayer group if you can, particularly with other pastors wives if you can, as it gives you common grounding for prayer.

Help our husband

• don't become embroiled in conflict.  Just stay out of it and don't create them.

Loving God and Loving My Neighbour

• Be a person that breathes grace to those around her.
• Show your trust in God to all who you come in contact with

Mmmm.. I have to admit to a bit of trepidation moving into this chapter.   I don't do criticism well if I don't feel loved/cared for during the process.  And even then I don't always handle it with grace.  :)   The official title of this chapter is Handling Criticism: two Approaches.   It is written by Mary Beeke.

Handling criticism is part and parcel of being a minister's wife.
People will criticize and they will definitely criticize your husband.  Rightly or wrongly, this will happen.    So what does one do?   We all have tender hearts toward ourselves and our loved ones.   How does one handle criticism?

First off Be Prepared.  Know that it will happen.  Don't let it come as a surprise to you.   How do we know it will come?   Jesus himself told his disciples that he was sending them out like sheep among the wolves (Matt 10).

As someone who walks the way of Christ, criticism will happen.   It will happen because we are sinners and we are dealing with sinners.   A fallen world that fights against the Lord.   The mentally ill, the gossipers, the controllers, the attention seekers and more.  They are all part of the people we are called to serve.

So LOVE the body of Christ.  Love her despite herself.   Show the people that you love them.  

Then show grace.  You are no better and no worse.   Just show grace/mercy and walk in the light of who God has called you be.   Treat others with the mercy you would want to be treated with.

And walk humbly with God.  Keep your eyes fixed on him.   Take Micah 6:8 to heart.

Second: receive the criticism that is launched at you.   It may come in ways unexpected, it may be a calm (or intense) face to face meeting.  It will come.   Just take it, listen to it without reacting to it.    Humility demands that we listen to it.   As we listen we may prepare an answer, or we may have to simply say, I will get back to you on this.

As you formulate a response you need to consider the following
a) motive - what is the reasoning behind the criticism?  
b) yourself - how are you reacting?
c) content - is there something in you that needs facing up to?
d) scripture and God's honour - how do we respond in the light of Scripture, our response must be measured by the Word of God.
e) Christ and his love - how will we continue to show God's love through it?

Lastly, follow through on what you said you would do.   Show your integrity.   Don't hold a grudge.  Let bygones be bygones and move forward. 

The chapter closed with a section called "how to lovingly criticize your husband".   Love is indeed the rule.   Choose carefully when you talk to him.  When he's tired might not be the best time.  :)   Don't criticize him in public.  Resolve differences between yourself.   Praise him to others...showing a different way to talk about your spouse.

I have to admit that I liked this chapter.  The thinking through the different steps and why one should expect criticism.   Good food for thought.  

The life of a pastor is a life of sharing one's life with others, a life filled with knowing that others will need you (occasionally at times inconvenient).   As a pastor's wife, your life will also be shared and out in the open, you will be in the public eye.  How does one cope?     How do you see the green grass where God has planted you?   This is the question of this chapter.

Some keys to living in the public eye:
1. Realize everyone will go about this differently.   Be YOU.   Share your concerns with your husband.  Make your home a haven.   Figure out what your unique ministry will be.   Don't compare yourself to others.  Be YOU.
2. Set Your Husband Free.    Manage the household on Sunday mornings so he can focus on his message and the people. 
3. Totally Committed. Make sure your husband knows that you are 100% committed to him doing his job and doing it well.  Stand behind him.   Pray for him.  Listen to him.  Be his support system, the one who always has his back.
4. "Boulder" Opportunities.     You know those rocks that creep up and can overwhelm?   See them as opportunities, opportunities for God to work all things for good.   God puts them altogether.. the hard, the good, the sad, the glad and he works them all for the good of those who love him and are called together for his purpose.
5. The Spirit's Replicating Ministry.   It can be hard to share your husband.  To have plans changed.   To know he can't always be there.   BUT God will teach us that he will provide for all our needs.  He will indeed.
6. An "open" Palm.   The advantage to having a pastor for husband is they tend to be able to order their days.  They don't have to be gone 9-5 every day.  They can choose to spend lunch with their families, they can be home for tea, they can work for set hours, or in today's digital world they can even work on the road as they attend events.
7. A Godly Balance:   Husband do need to balance out their pastoral duties with their family duties.    Sometimes the pastoral world needs to be shut off to be a boon to the family life.  Balance is key.
8. Generous Hospitality.   Be willing to welcome people into your home.   Give them a sympathetic ear and a open kitchen. 
9. A sympathetic High Priest.    Be YOU.   God made you and knows you full well.   Work at being a good pastor's wife, but more importantly.. work out being the godly person that God has called YOU to be.

My Thoughts:
This chapter was SO not what I thought it would be about.   :)  And I'm still feeling a bit.. um.. huh? about it.    I didn't expect a chapter focused on how to live in the limelight.  I expected a chapter focused on how to share your husband with more people than sometimes you want to.   This chapter did both...

I thought the points were good.   About knowing that as a pastor's wife that life will be interrupted by your husbands job and that people will see what you do and how you do it more readily.   I get that.   It's hard to live where people can watch what you do.   But you know what?   People watch what you do ANYWAYS.  

I know when I first was married that it was annoying if people commented on what they saw me doing or "tsked" about how I shouldn't be doing this as the "dominee's" wife.  At times it was heartbreaking and my reaction was tear-filled.   But as people like to say "I am stubborn".   I chose to continue living my life.  I CHOSE to make some adaptations in how I did things... because as a Christian woman I SHOULD NOT BE a stumbling block for others.  NOT because I was the pastor's wife and should "be" a certain way.   I had to make choices, every pastor's wife will need to make choices, just a every christian woman will need to make choices.  What is the better way?   To be a stumbling block or to meet a need?

That's what it comes down to for me.  
Will I hold my ground?  
I've done this.  Sorry but it is not a "HAVE TO" to wear dresses to church on Sunday.   Whether I wear dress pants or a dress or a skirt is not indicative of my relationship with God.  It's clothes, covering my body, and they are clean and in good shape and the best that I have.  PERIOD.
Will I make a change because it's better for my husband and better for his pastorate? 
No ratty shorts, no shorts over a bathing suit while gardening out front, no barefeet in church.. NOT A PROBLEM.  I will make those changes and not even bat an eye...particularly if you come and talk to me about it, and not say bad things "behind my back",   Because it's called CARING for the sensibilities of others.
Will I explain WHY I do things in order to promote greater understanding? 
For sure.  I will help people understand why I tend not to go late on Saturdays.. I NEED to be and my introverted husband NEEDS to be refreshed for a busy Sunday.  But without explanation it might come across as a NO I don't want to spend time with you.  This is not what is wished to be conveyed.
Will I keep my mouth shut?
Definitely, definitely, definitely.    Better to say nothing than to cause a kerfluffle right?  :)

The full title to this chapter is Respecting my Husband: the Foundation Principles.  I have to admit to being curious as to what Noelle Wilkerson says are foundational principles in this area. 

This chapter starts off with a quote from Abigail Adams that I like.  :)

I have to admit to a wee bit of internal struggle there over the American and the Canadian way of spelling honour, but I needed to stay true to the quote.  :)    I would also love to exchange the word nature for God.

But on to the chapter!
 Hmm.. I have to admit that Noelle's words rang true for me "The truth is that I have not always respected him nor do I always respect him now.   The Lord has worked in my heart and change me, and I know that the work he has begun he will bring to completion in Christ Jesus".  (p. 120)

It's true.  It's hard to respect each other sometimes.   Sometimes it's ever so easy to do so.   Not just because I get my own way... heavens to be.. far from it.   But this man of mine LOVES ME, he cares for me in ways that I don't always see.   And oddly enough, when I do see it, my respect for him grows by leaps and bounds.

Back to the chapter. :)
I found myself intrigued by her seeing that God made her and her husband one flesh.. and from that perspective she learned to respect her husband more.   Not two individuals living together, striving against one another, but ONE flesh with two bodies working together for the good of each other.   Having that perspective brings about mutual respect.

The question, therefore is asked, what is respect?
Webster defines respect "an act of giving particular attention and high or special regard, esteem".

Respect is seen in the wife who publicly and privately as the living representative of Christ in the home.  If you see your husband this way it changes how you think about him, and react toward him.

Submission and respect are different things... respect is how you see him, how you regard him as the embodiment of Christ in your home.    Just as your husband is called to love to live a life of sacrifice to his wife (loving his wife as he loves himself), we are called to show our deep regard for him.

We are not to be like Michal, who despised King David in her heart.  This she followed by openly rebuking him.  (1 Sam 6)

Rather we should look to the example of Sarah and her relationship with Abraham.   She trusted God, so she was able to trust Abraham... because God oversaw their marriage, she knew that it would all work out okay in the end.   But even if our husbands are not God-fearing men we are still called to respect him.     And if our husband IS a God-fearing man, we should submit meekly BECAUSE of our respect for him (rather than getting angry with him, or giving him a "look" as you give way)

We can go to our husbands with our concerns and worries, letting his counsel be a guide.    When we do this, we are a guide to the women of our congregations.  Showing them what respect looks like in a Christian marriage.

It also helps to respect him openly because it helps him in his ministry.   Seriously.  If he knows that you have his back (so to speak), when people argue with him, misunderstand him, hurt him, don't listen to him dispensing God's wisdom, knowing that you are there, helping and not hindering will do him a world of good.

If you struggle in this area, remind yourself of all the good things about your husband, from how he provides for your family, to how he opens doors for you, or helps with the dishes, or kisses you goodnight.  All good things yes?   Ask the Lord to help you see areas in your life where you could 1. show respect for your husband and 2. learn to respect him more.

My thoughts: I liked this chapter.  It challenged me to reconsider my thoughts in regard to some internal changes I can make (through the Lord's help), but it also showed me how far I've come in the relationship between my husband and I.   The key for me?   Reminding myself of his love for me and how it so often catches me off guard.   I'm always so surprised when I see it...makes me respect him and love him all the more.  A good thing yes?  :)

I have to admit.... when I saw the title for this chapter I started feeling nervous   Will I feel COMMANDED to make lots of friends?   Will I feel forced to expand my borders more than I have already??   Ah.. I almost didn't read the chapter.. BUT I did.  :)

How did God make us?
1. to be in relationship with him.  he made us to have communion with him.
2. to be in relationship with each other...animals are not enough.

When Married our primary relationship should be with our husband.   it should be held in highest regard (next to our relationship with God).

This doesn't mean we shouldn't want friends outside of our marriage, particularly with other women.

So exactly what is friendship?   Is it merely the getting together with others, sharing like interests, "doing coffee" and what not?

Friendship is all that but more.  It's a deeper commitment to each other.   it's a deep intimate relationship without any sexual overtones.   Like David and Jonathon were truly best friends with each other.   Or with Ruth and Naomi...sharing bonds that went deeper than that of just family friendship.

Their hearts were connected and they were grounded together in the Lord.

The question that remains for us is this.   Can we have such friendships within the church as  pastor's wife?

1. We have that need for friendship.    God will meet that need but not always as you think he should.    We can be friendly with everyone but it doesn't mean we have to be a friend WITH everyone.   Take your time and don't rush friendship.  Sometimes God will bless you with a friend you wouldn't have thought possible.

2. Don't let teens show disrespect to your husband pastor.

3. Don't make friends of people of the opposite gender.  Even if you share similar interests, it's too easy for those friendships to turn into something they shouldn't be.   Guard yourself and your spouse.

4. Don't show favourites.   Even if you have favourites, don't show it.  invite a variety of people over, not just those you get along with since you don't want feelings to get hurt.

5. Keep your friendships private.   Don't be telling others what you did with such and such church member.

6. Don't gossip about your husband or about other church members.

7. When leaving a church, leave those friendships behind for the most part.  Make it easy on the person that follows in your footsteps.

"To be a friend requires energy, sometimes money, rearranged schedules, and much prayer, but the rewards are undoubtedly worth it".  (p. 113)

8. Be aware that friendships have their seasons.  As a young mom you will naturally befriend other young moms, as your children mature those friendships will change.

9. Don't be distressed when some friendships don't pass the test of time.   It happens.  Some friendships are only meant to be short term.   "Keep your door and heart open, giving thanks for those special times when you enjoyed those particular friendships".

The chapter closed with
"Yes, it is possible to have lasting friendships.  Yes, it is practical and not necessarily problematic to enjoy real friendships.  Yes, it is desirable to pursue real friendships.   May the Lord make you, dear sister, friendly to all who cross your path and a true friend to those who need refreshing, and may you in turn be refreshed by the friendship of others."  (p.116)

My thoughts:
I left reading this chapter feeling more alone than I did before I started reading it.   Sometimes I feel so alone.   I love my hubby and my son. 

But a close deep intimate friendship?  In the here and now?    That I don't have.   And I generally think I never will.  I have people I hang out with and care for.   But I don't know.. I don't really get this "best friend" thing.   I don't really feel like I'm anyone's best friend, though I am a friend who cares and hangs on to friendships.    And this chapter just seemed to YELL THAT OUT at me.   Shouldn't have read it.  Should have followed my gut feeling and by passed.

It's hard... cause I feel guilty.. and yet talking with a lady today I mentioned this and she said this "those times when I don't have a close friend are times that i know I need to deepen my relationship with God".   This is a true thing you know.

Yet I am friendly to everyone I meet.  :)   Guess... I don't know... I'm living a quiet life.  :)   I do have some good talks with my on-line friends though.. so I guess that counts for something.  :)   And I do have friends and that's a good thing...but this whole deep friendship thing...that just alludes me and at times it makes me feel alone.  (especially after reading this chapter).  :)