Category: Encouragement

Letters to Pastor's Wives, Depression: A Dark Valley

9/27/2016

This chapter, Depression: A Dark Valley is written by Mary Somerville, who has helped her husband/pastor through the dark valley of depression.

First off, know this... depression can hit anyone. Even a person who is cheerful, resilient, athletic, and hopeful. Even they can become depressed.

Causes of depression are varied: overwork, injury, loss of employment, hormonal imbalance, exhaustion (physical/emotional) and more. One doesn't always know the cause, but it's real.

Depression can range in severity from mild to severe.   Symptoms are: depressed mood, diminished pleasure in activities, weight gain or loss, insomnia, loss of energy, purposeless physical activity, feelings of worthlessness, diminished ability to think, indecisiveness, thoughts of suicide, and more.

So how does one deal with depression?

Get a thorough physical check up.
See if there is anything physically going on that could cause a depressive spirit.   Check hormones, thyroid, and such like. Check your sleeping and eating habits. Do you exercise? Are meds needed? If so, for how long?
Examine your guilt.
Often, depression and guilt go hand-in-hand. So examine yourself, is there something you need to repent of? Christ's blood covers ALL our sin, just seek it out, repent of it, and be cleansed of it.
Seek Counsel.
Seek help from others, another pastor perhaps, or even a biblical counsellor.   They can help you see blind spots, encourage you, pray for you, be a sounding board etc.
Fight the fight.
Know that you are in a battle, depression knocks warriors out of the battle, and can steal your hope, your spirit, and your soul. Don't believe the lies of hopelessness you are being fed. FIGHT!
Read your bible and pray
If you are depressed, take the time to read your bible, to turn to the great counsellor.   This is a daily battle, read about others who have fought this battle and won, see their struggles and their winning, the way the Lord sustained them and helped them.
Pour out your soul
Talk to the Lord, tell him your struggles and your needs, your worries and your fears. Confess to him how sometimes you just can't see him, or hear his voice, find things you can praise him for, your health, a bible, a book, a flower.. anything, find it and praise him for it.
A view beyond yourself
Realize that you need to see beyond yourself. Even if you are depressed you can still pray for others, you can still call, visit or write to people.
The bride of Christ
Access the church, attend services, don't withdraw even though you will want to. The Bride of Christ is there for all her people. You need the prayer, support and help from the whole church.
Do your duty
Fulfill your responsibilities as much as you can. Ask God for help if needed. Don't pull away from meaningful work and activities, because if you do so, it only adds to your depression. Rest often, but work as well as you can.

Most of all DO NOT GIVE UP! God can and will see you through this time.   Remember that "weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning." (Ps 30:5)

Email: The Black Phone

9/7/2016

Not wanting to spam my readers, but this came in an email today and I just liked it, thought perhaps some others might like it too. :) Forgive me if you find it spammy please.

The Black Telephone

When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box….. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. “Information Please” could supply any one's number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway.

The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

"Information."

"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience..

"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.

"No body's home but me," I blubbered.

"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked

"No, "I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."

"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.

I said I could.

"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice..

After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was.

She helped me with my math.

She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, "Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."

"Information," said in the now familiar voice.

"How do I spell fix?" I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest.

When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

"Information."

I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."

I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"

"I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

"Please do," she said. "Just ask for Sally."

Three months later I was back in Seattle.

A different voice answered, "Information."

I asked for Sally.

"Are you a friend?" she said.

"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," She said. "Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."

Before I could hang up, she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?"

"Yes." I answered.

“Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you.” The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean."

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others. Whose life have you touched today?

Path, Pathways, Pathfinders,

9/2/2016

My two fellows that share my life, know that I enjoy doing Five Minute Friday posts. They have grown used to me saying "so what does ______ word mean to you." I asked that this morning and both immediately (it was a chorus) TRAIL! I didn't find that particularly helpful for writing a post... so I set it aside as I got to work and let the word path/trail mull it's way through my mind.

What was I cleaning?   The book room. This is the room with about half of our books are kept and where we do about half of our schooling, particularly the stuff the lad needs my assistance doing.

I've been working on it for two days (almost wrote years!) :)   And I"m still not quite done. You know how it is, you rearrange things, remove books, go through items and say "HEY, If I have to move sometime in the next six months I AM NOT moving this particular book" and then decide "eh, let's toss it". That's kinda where I am at, trying to get rid of things that I know I can either google information on or find in the library.

As I worked I posted pictures on my progress.   Someone said "I see a path".

It got me to thinking, that this work I am doing is hard.   Moving and rearranging, tidying and thinking about the upcoming school year.

Realizing that just as things looked and felt extremely messy at this stage in the cleaning, that a path was still visible.

And that made me think of other schooling moms out there, and schooling dads, who are in the trenches learning and teaching and discovering with their children.   Parents who are going through the messiness of children making a mess, making mistakes, learning, growing, developing.

And all the paths we are making through it all. We make paths. Trails of learning, Pathways of development. It's what we do as parents and as teachers.

Continue building paths and encouraging new trails.   It's a good thing eh?

Encouragement for Taking that Long View Approach

8/19/2016

Welcome with me today won't you? Kym from Homeschool Coffee Break. Did you know that Kym is a fellow Canadian who just happens to be living stateside. :) She's a dear heart and is an encouragement to me. She has walked the path before for a good long time and is worth listening to. Welcome KYM! :)

Thinking back to when I was a new mom (a long time ago now!), I remember hearing one piece of advice quite regularly. It was some variation on the theme of "Enjoy your children while they are young, because they grow so quickly". And it's very true - children do grow quickly, and when we moms are overwhelmed with changing diapers and chasing down rambunctious toddlers, it doesn't seem possible that one day they'll be teenagers. When we're in the trenches of homeschooling, it's hard to imagine what life will be like someday when they are grown and graduated. If you're that mom, let me encourage you to follow that advice of enjoying your young children, but also to take a long view of your mission of mothering, especially homeschooling and mothering. We all know that our job as moms is to eventually work ourselves out of a job. We want our kids to be able to carry on and look after themselves as successful adults. Sometimes we forget that goal and hover or hold on too long, and sometimes we forget that our own lives will carry on when the kids are grown. The end of my own family's homeschooling journey is in sight for me, with only my youngest still a student, the oldest already starting his own family, and the middle two moving ever closer to their own independence. These are some things that I've been learning and trying to put into practice as a mom, and I hope they'll encourage you as well. Delight in your children at every age. People sometimes ask me what age in my kids I liked best. Um, all of them?! No matter what age your child is, make that your favorite! In general, that's pretty easy when they're little and cute. If you're not there yet, let me reassure you that the teen years are not something to be feared! I have loved being the mother of teens. Most teens have bigger dreams and deeper thoughts and more ability than we adults give them credit for. I'm finding out that adult kids can be a delight as well. No matter what their age, but especially as they enter the teen years, your goals as a parent should be:

Maintain a good relationship, as much as you can. Kids of all ages need to know that Mom and Dad love them unconditionally. Take an active interest in the things that interest them, have conversations over family meals, and spend time with them.
Set boundaries. Obviously. Remember that until they are adults, you are the adult in charge.
Coach them in wise decision-making, and ease them towards independence. Teach them life skills, and let them take age-appropriate responsibility. By the time they graduate, they should be able to run a simple household, and be trustworthy workers and citizens that understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.
Train them up in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). Lead them constantly to God and to his word. Live out your faith and encourage your children to own faith for themselves, rather than ride on yours. Pray for them. If you're homeschooling, remember that your goal is far more than just academics. Reading, writing, and arithmetic are only part of a bigger picture as we raise up a godly generation of healthy, mature, responsible adults. Teaching them to honor God, to maintain positive relationships, and to be able to lead and influence with integrity are the ultimate goals.

Make worthwhile memories. When you're delighting in your family and building relationship with your children, those day-to-day experiences will become a tapestry of good memories. It's surprising what little things make huge impressions, and some of those you just can't plan! But definitely go ahead and do plan the special occasions that add richness to the memories, and think about what you want your kids to remember about growing up in your house. Be intentional about giving your whole family many positive things to build memories on.

Keep a balanced perspective. Yes, you'll always be their mother, but your own life is bigger than only that role! Find your strength for today as well as your vision for the future by seeking God. Spend time in prayer and in the Word to gain wisdom for every area of your life. There are seasons when your focus may seem to be on simply keeping your fearless toddler out of danger or finding the curriculum that will finally help your student make sense of math, but they are just seasons. In the long run, your life will continue beyond the borders of raising and homeschooling children. To keep your balance, remember to:

make your relationship with your husband your high priority - the highest after your relationship with the Lord. You'll still be with your spouse after the kids have graduated and moved out, so don't neglect that relationship.
take time for yourself. It's okay to take time out to do the things YOU enjoy doing, and to rest and recharge. Think ahead to what you might want to do with your time when you're not homeschooling full time. Maybe you'll want to stay connected somehow to the career you were in before kids so you can return to it. Maybe you'll want to develop new skills for a different career. Maybe there are volunteer opportunities you could be involved with. Find time to pursue your own personal interests and passions.

Let me leave you with some words from the Apostle Paul, who knew a thing or two about working whole-heartedly at the today's tasks while keeping his long-term vision in sight.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 3:13-14

Kym will soon be starting her 19th year of homeschooling her four kids, three of whom have graduated. She and her husband of 29 years are Canadians transplanted to Maryland. Kym loves coffee, history, and homeschooling, and you can join her for coffee break at her blog, Homeschool Coffee Break.

Encouragement to that Fellow

8/12/2016

Dear Fellow,

You know who you are, the man that is involved in the lives of a homeschool parent.

You might be the grand-dad sharing the joy of a child saying "This is what I did today Grandpa!"

You might be that dad, working hard to pay the bills, so school materials can be purchased, and wife held at night as she recounts the struggles of the day.

You're that dad, that tags along on field trips.
You're that single guy who sees a friend needing an extra hand and helps out, whether it be fixing a car or a leaky faucet.

THANK YOU;

You drive when I'm too tired to do so.
You pick up the slack when children are running a muck.

Sometimes you yell.
Sometimes you get frustrated.
Sometimes you tossle a head, or say I love you, or give a hug... even to an unwilling child! :) Boys who are growing up and learning how to be a man. They need hugs whether they know it or not.

You know who you are and you need to know dad, friend, grand-pa, uncle... You are so appreciated and your help is always needed.

Thank you for your hard work.
Thank you for driving.
Thank you for the dollars to buy curriculum.

Just thanks for being there. it's a good thing.
Please ... Do Not Stop.

We could not do any of this without you.

Encouragement for Pastor's Heart

8/5/2016

Welcome DaLynn to the blog today. DaLynn is a lovely lady with a heart for God and his people. Her guest post touched my heart, my prayer is that it will touch yours as well. If you have a pastor.. Pray for him, talk to him, let him know he is not alone.

It's IMPORTANT.

Dear Pastor,

How are you today?

Really. How are you? I know it's your tendency to say that everything is fine. I know that your concern is for me, for my family, and for the other families in the congregation. It's your mindset, and your gift, to always be putting others first. That's servanthood; that's ministry. You're doing what you're called to do.

But in order to fulfill that calling, dear pastor, you need a refill. While you're shepherding the people, feeding God's sheep, who is feeding you?

I hope that you've found a circle of friends that can uplift and encourage you. I hope that you have those one or two special people in your life whom you can call mentors - spiritual mothers and fathers that you trust and can turn to in a time of crisis or when it's you who needs the godly counsel. If you don't have these people in your life, dear pastor, please seek them out! Reach out to people in your community, or people in your past. There are many communities online these days where you might find a circle of friends if nowhere else fits your situation.

When you don't have the nutritional substance you need to function and survive, it's extremely difficult to give that same substance to others. Don't forget to feed yourself too, pastor. Yes, the Lord is our strength and our provider, and yes you need to be spending time in the presence of God for much of that. But don't forget that he created us for the purpose of fellowship - with Him, yes - but He designed us to need camaraderie. There's no substitute for the edification that like-minded believers provide for one another.

And you need it. Whether you recognize it or not.

All the people need what you carry, because it's God's assignment for you and He has equipped you to meet those needs. You recognize that and do it well, most days. I know that you know that some days, it's not as easy.

Partly, dear pastor, that's because you have a life too! Are you remembering to shepherd your own family first? Are you remembering that it is they who are your first priority? If you spent time in your own home as a guest and watched yourself with your family, what https://www.weebly.com/editor/main.phpadvice would you give to make home life easier? Can you take your own advice?

Remember to shepherd your own family first. It's this that will bring peace, and it will bring confidence, and it will allow the hand of God Almighty to work through you in the areas where He has called you to minister to others.

Dear pastor - dear, sweet pastor -

You don't have to do this alone.

You shouldn't be doing this alone. You aren't alone. You're the remnant, and God trusts you. You're right where you're supposed to be, doing right what He's called you to do, and you're doing it the right way. Keep trusting, keep fighting, keep praying, keep seeking His face. Keep letting Him use you, and remember to also let Him keep filling you. You are loved!

aLynn McCoy is a work-at-home, homeschooling mom of 5 kids ranging in ages from 17 down to 5. She's been a Christian her whole life and her testimony is one of the Lord's hand of protection over her life and her heart so that her passion is for discipleship and mentoring others in the foundations of Christian faith. Besides blogging, writing, and homeschooling, DaLynn is also a massage therapist and modern-day Tupperware lady. She and her husband Bill have been married for 15 years this month, and they live just outside of Waco, Texas in a small community where God has graciously planted them and allowed them to call home.
Blog - Biblical Womanhood -
Facebook - http://facebook.com/displayhissplendor
Twitter - http://twitter.com/dalynnrmc
Instagram - http://instagram.com/dalynnrmc
Pinterest - http://pinterest.com/dalynnrmc
Tupperware - http://dmccoy.my.tupperware.com

Homeschooling Budgets : Mistakes and Blessings

8/3/2016

Money and homeschooling.. it can be such a hard topic to deal with you know?   People LOVE free, but the question is .. is free always worth it?
On the flip side.. are those high priced curriculum always worth it to?
How does one determine what they should spend? Where they shall put their dollars?   Not always easy decisions to make.

So here's what I can tell you.

You will make mistakes. Really you will.

You will buy something and it disappears into the shelves in your house and you will forget about it.
You will buy something and realize it doesn't fit with how you do school.
You will do what I have done and accidentally buy two of the same item without realizing it until you organize your shelves and say... "oh that was dumb".

You will also do what I have done:

Buy something on sale and realize it was JUST THE THING you needed.
You will have someone tell you about a program that didn't work for them but stimulates your thinking and before you know it, you get that program from that person and it's exactly what you needed. Buying it cheaper than it would have cost new
You will bless others with items just as you have been blessed. Because in the homeschool community I find that people give things away freely so often.

This is how you make your budget work.
By realizing that mistakes will happen but so will blessings.   You will balance the good with the not so good. You will research and hunt and discover and celebrate the good with your young, and persevere through the bad with them (or find a better home for it).

And you will learn.

This is why you are doing that right?   To Learn.   So go ahead learn. Let your children see you working it all through, and they too will learn about budgeting.

It will all work out in the end.

To that end, let me tell you about a sale that starts today and runs through til the 8th. It's a sale that is featuring products put together by Canadians, it covers a whole range of topics from history to science, french and rabbits, chocolate and timelines.   A bit of something to please anyone looking to learn more about my beloved country of Canada and more. :)   Cost? $27 a savings of almost $150 off the list price.

Tying Heart Strings, An Encouragement Post

7/15/2016

I would like you to welcome with me, Carol Emmert, to my blog today. Carol is a sweet lady with a quick heart to pray, and heart to listen to others.

I asked her if she'd be willing to be part of this encouragement series. I am so delighted that she did so, you must simply read this great post on Tying Heart Strings.

Tying Heartstrings

Moms have a lot of things to focus on while raising children and managing their households. We support and love our husbands; raise, train, and care for our children, not to mention all of those tasks that go along with keeping the home and making sure everyone gets fed ~ every day! You probably already have some ideas in mind for how you want to raise your children. In the midst of all your other responsibilities, remember to tie heart strings with your children.

While the wording of tying heart strings might be new to you, the concept is one I’m sure you’ve already been doing. You start tying heart strings with your child when you first hold them, and it should continue their whole lives ~ even into adulthood.

When our girls were little, we did a lot of reading together on the couch. Beyond just instilling a love of reading, I was tying heart strings with each girl, and they were tying them with each other. We would make a weekly trip to the library and both girls would help me choose several picture books for us to read. As the girls got older, and Emily became a proficient reader, we added in a lot of easy readers so she could read to Arlene and I. I’ve never regretted a single minute of the time we spent reading together. Whether it was another book from the Come Along, Daisy! series, or an adventure of Henry and Mudge, each book gave us uninterrupted time together to tie heart strings.

As the girls got even older, the activities we did and the opportunities to tie heart strings changed, but they were still vitally important to the strength of our relationships. Motherhood is a challenging job. It is full of the highest joys, and the deepest sorrows. You might, at times, be a friend of your children, but it is so much more important to be their parent!

Your little children start growing up and become big kids, then teenagers, and eventually adults. A large part of how those transitions take place, and your continued ability to speak truth into their lives will depend on how many heart strings you have ties when they were young. During those years between them turing 10 and 14 you may find it much more difficult to tie new heart strings between you and your child ~ but keep trying! It is difficult but necessary works to be tying new heart strings when it feels like your child is spending all their time cutting them. Keep loving your child, even when you don’t particularly like them, keep hugging them, even when they resist. Not every child will fight with you all the way through puberty, but for those that do, you’ll be thankful for each thing that goes right in your relationship.

Although we’re approaching the end of our homeschooling journey, (the girls are now 18 and 16,) we continue to carve out time to tie heart strings with each girl ~ with each parent and as a family. It takes more effort to set aside separate times for each girl in our full schedule these days, but we still do it. Our oldest is navigating the waters of adulthood, but she is still my little girl! I love it that most night she still seeks me out to give me a “goodnight hug and smooth.”

Tying heart string is a wonderful thing to do with and for your adult children too! The day that Kurt and I got married, my Mom told me that “you will always be my baby girl.” I better understand that now that I am older. She has never told me what to do with my life, my mother instead has been a constant source of love and comfort throughout my adult life. Just a few days ago my Mom and I went on a short afternoon adventure while the girls were spending time with their friends. When we were getting ready to walk back to our cars, she asked me if I wanted to go get ice cream. That’s right ~ I have an awesome Mommy! I didn’t need her to buy me ice cream, and I hadn't thought of it yet myself, but she saw an opportunity to tie another heart string and she took it.

Wherever you are in your relationship with your own children, whether they’re 4, 14, or 40, find as many opportunities this week as you can to tie some more heart strings. Your life, and theirs, will be richer and fuller because of it!

Carol is a wife of more than 20 years, Mama to two teenaged daughters, and avid gardener. She blogs at Home Sweet Life where her family shares its unique experience-based educational life, Road Trip ideas, book reviews, and encouragement for healthy families. Carol spends time volunteering as a local 4-H Leader, and at Conner Prairie in Fishers, IN. You can often find Carol outdoors with her family, and her camera. One of their favorite family pastimes includes long hikes in the woods and she photographs the wildlife they see.
Google+, Pinterest, and Facebook.

A Cheerful Heart

5/28/2016

Let me introduce you to the concept of Five Minute Friday. Every Friday (well, at least MOST Fridays) Kate gives word prompt, and bloggers from all over the place, take five minutes, normally on a Friday *but sometimes on Saturday*, to write on that word prompt.

The rules are simple.
Write for five minutes.
Link up.
Encourage those who have linked up before you.

I find it fascinating at the different twists a single word can mean to different people.

This week the word is CHEER. I do hope you'll join us.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, Good medicine a cheerful heart!" this ditty often runs through my head.

But it sums it up doesn't it?

Cheerfulness.   it does a body good.

So when I think of "cheer" I think of my lad, who when he completes a task that HE is pleased will ask over and over what I or his dad think.   Then one sees this little smile, not a puffed up smile, but a "my heart is glad smile".

Which causes me to think back to a conversation I had with a mom a couple years ago. I had told my lad good job for something, nothing thinking of those around me, but of him and his immediate need for affirmation, and this mom commented "why on earth are you praising him for that?"

My response was "he did a good job, so why shouldn't I tell him so?"

The response I received surprised me. "I think it's best to reserve praise for things that truly deserve praise, and that didn't truly deserve praise, it was too little of a thing."

That comment has sat with me since, making me at times, to second guess myself. I can see the danger in praising a child, or anyone, too much. They can get a swelled-head and think too much of themself, but if a person has been struggling with something.. even a seemingly small thing... should they not be cheered in that "win"?

Is it not a good to thing to give cheerful medicine to a heart?    I think so... the small things matter indeed.